He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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