remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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