I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
