Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
