Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
