Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
