quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
