i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
