i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
