I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
thus making me awesome and them whores
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
