he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
