this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
