I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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