First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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