so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
