Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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