I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
