I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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