i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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