Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
