Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
