I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
