I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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