I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
