Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
