careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
