I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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