this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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