i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
