I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
