You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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