is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
