just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
