I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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