Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
