Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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