Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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