If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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