YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
