How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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