I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
