she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
