Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
