now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
thus making me awesome and them whores
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
