he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
