I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
