My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
