ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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