my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
