i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have fence marks all over my body
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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