I'm laying in your front yard are you home
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
