Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
