Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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