You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
